How to Hold Transformative Spaces
This has been coming up in my conversations lately, specifically around groups. Interestingly, I’ve had this post sitting in my drafts for almost a year. Right timing, it’s a thing.
Whether you’re holding 1:1 or group spaces, each setting has it’s own nuances. The impetus for group work is righteous, some of our deepest healing can happen in group settings. However, unsavory effects can also come from groups, and in the worst cases, harm. Here’s the thing, there’s no guidebook because it’s fluid - it has a lot to do with you as a facilitator, and the group/types of folx you’re calling in. But, whether it’s 1:1 or a group, the most healing, transformative, rejuvenating, and nourishing spaces follow some core fundamentals, expressed in the unique way of the space holder.
If you’re curious what ‘poor’ space holding looks like, trust me, you’ve been there. At some point or another in your life, you’ve walked into a room and felt it. Think outside of the healing and transformative field - a meeting, a gathering, a movement class, a conversation with a friend. That’s part of becoming an impactful facilitator, being in enough shit spaces to understand what makes them shit, and being in enough powerful spaces to recognize the golden nuggets.
My experience of what it means to hold the kind of magical space where people feel safe-enough and give themselves permission to be vulnerable, explore, and show up exactly as they are include 10 core elements that require tending. You may notice there’s a thread linking these together, a dance that weaves through. It’s not linear, it’s a flow, an interdependent tapestry. Practice one and notice how the rest seem to naturally want to follow.
Nervous System Regulation - HUGE. I could go on and on about how critical this is, especially when taking into account co-regulation, but I’ll leave it at in order to help others feel safe-enough, we must be in control of our own alarm bells. You are human (I assume). Our nervous system is always in flux, but when stepping into the role of space holder it’s critical to have resources and tools to help you stay deeply rooted. Even if a gust of wind comes and tousles your branches, your foundation is sturdy.
Grounding- This is co-dependent with number 1, they thrive off each other. When we ground, connecting ourselves to the tangible world around us and our inner world, we tap into our ability to listen to the subtlely of ourselves, and in turn, our environment. Ultimately, this process leads to presence, and being present is the secret sauce to feeling connected to our people and the field of energy being stirred up within the group.
Getting embodied - once we’ve arrived in the present, we can invite our body, mind, and spirit to enter the moment as one - a cocktail that opens the door for some truly magical experiences, for ourselves and those we show up for. Embodiment can come in the form of moving meditation (think Qigong, yoga, setting sacred space with incense, dance, etc), mindfulness practices, divination practices - really anything that gives you a sense of all on board.
Clearing your pathways - now that all systems are go, it’s time to step out of your own limitations [for the time of space holding] and into a place that is beyond your ego. It’s not about what you think you can say or do or offer, that’s ego speaking and if ego is in the room, that also means your defense mechanisms are running, which serve a purpose in our daily lives, but not so much when you show up to support others. How you do this is best suited to, well, you. It can be as simple as a statement or prayer you say, or a ritual that signfies you’re now showing up to be of service by lighting a candle.
Actively Listening - there’s listening, which most of us do multiple times a day for most of our lives and are quite fluent in, and then there’s actively listening. This is another one that is deserving of it’s own omage, but I can sum it up as the combination of steps 1 -4 put us in a place where we are open to receive. There’s no thinking about what to say next or how we can help or fix a situation, instead our ears and hearts are open, our bodies absorb the vibrations of others words, and we are able to offer something so much more powerful and healing than a solution - a place to be truly seen and heard.
Being Fluent in Difference - difference holds possibility (cred: Inquisitve Human). Learning how to relate to difference is a life skill we could all benefit from. Learning how to relate to ourselves, well, how are you supposed to relate with others if you’re still your own mystery? Plus, as far as groups go, ‘love and lighting’ away any potential for difference is just yuck. See number 7.
Understanding Your Potential to Cause Harm - this is inevitable as a space holder at some point, especially for folx who might come to your spaces and aren’t like you, particularly if you’re white, cis-gender, and/or living with some degree of privilege. Even with the best intentions, we can still cause harm. There’s much to learn and practice, and mistakes are inevitable and how we learn, but better to try and fail than continuously unknowingly cause harm. Don’t let this hold you back - rupture and repair are a part of being human. There is so much incredible information out there to really dive deep into this, so please reach out if you’re looking to start or continue your journey and I’ll point you in the direction of some resources that can meet you where you’re at.
Knowing Your Needs - 5 people or 50? Co-facilators or support? Understanding your limits is a stregnth. What sorts of boundaries do you require? For example, on a break, are you able to co-mingle, or do you need some time to yourself? Boundaries are sexy as f*ck. For those who might not feel the same way? They’re uncovering something about themselves by being around you. Friction is part of the process, amiright?
Tapping into a power a bit more sturdy than human- Yep, I’m sayin’ it. Bring in some woo. You don’t have to bring it to the group if that’s not your thing, but bring it in for yourself. This will help you stay a deeply rooted redwood vs a potted plant - think a California palm (cred: Racheal Maddox). Source, Creator, God, the Divine, The Universe, it’s a resource eager to support and is much stronger than you trying to carry it all on your own. It’s like phoning a friend who is way more skilled at unconditional love, compassion, empathy, healing, and transformation. It’s teamwork. Plus, asking for help is always a profound practice, especially for one holding groups.
Owning It. You have something to offer. Your gifts are needed and worthy. You’re not perfect, and we don’t need perfect. We need authenticity, integrity, and the unique magick only you can bring.
Then of course, there’s the structure. The nuts and bolts. There’s freedom in the structure (cred: Rochelle Schieck) and this is a place where creativity can take the wheel. I personally am a huge structure fan, chalk it up to my Capricorn rising, but there is something about an intentional and well thought out structure that makes me weak in the knees. However, I would chose a facilitator who is working with some/most of/a lot of the above list vs. a meticulous structure. Just sayin’.
xx,
Kerrie